The City That Barks And Roars: A thrilling detective mystery by J.T. Bird ➱ Book Tour with Giveaway

The City That Barks and Roars

by J.T. Bird

Genre: Mystery Fiction

Animals rule the world

They hit cafes for breakfast then nine to five at the office, and fritter away evenings at jazz clubs.

But paradise is still a distant dream, for there are devils amongst the angels.

Lucas Panda is missing; clues on the riverbank suggest he was probably kidnapped. Enter Frank. Who else you gonna call? Hard-boiled penguin and the finest detective in town. And meet his new partner, Detective Chico Monkey - yeah, the wisecrackin' kid with all the snappy suits. But the stakes have been raised; three more creatures are missing and the citizens of Noah's Kingdom are faced with possible extinction. Can the grouchy bird and plucky young ape save the city from doom? Or, will evil prevail and escape the claws of justice?

'Animal noir' peppered with plenty of humour; this thrilling debut novel from award-winning comedian JT Bird is an intriguing blend of Jungle Book and Chinatown (Zootopia for grown-ups?! Watership Down with Fedoras!?) - perfect for fans of animal fiction, or mysteries, adventure and crime. A gripping yarn, packed with weird and wonderful creatures, for youngsters and adults alike (or anyone who's crying out for anthropomorphic detectives!!)

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The City That Barks And Roars – Excerpts

Excerpt One:
Bells chime above the door as the monkey dives inside to escape the relentless downpour. He shakes a few drops off the soaking wet suit and dries his eyes with a sleeve. It’s a pit of chaos: animals queuing for breakfast, trying to eat breakfast, and serving breakfast, all within an inappropriate amount of space. A pack of sailor seagulls are babbling loudly at their table beside the doorway - typical noisy gulls.
Squidged behind a table in the corner and facing foggy windows, sits a hard-boiled penguin devouring a plate full of scrambled eggs and mackerel. He’s a ‘King’ penguin, so shorter than an ‘Emperor’ but stout with a sharp beak and orange fur at the back of his neck which closely resembles a collar. Meet Frank - the only bird in town wearing a beige crumpled rain mac and chocolate colored fedora (the hat of choice for any true detective). His coat looks a shade too big and the hat’s tilted too far back, but he’s never been one for fashion.
Chico takes a seat opposite Frank, but the penguin barely flinches, such is the desire to finish his breakfast as swiftly as possible. Vote Spots – the monkey can’t help but notice the bold wilting poster of current mayor, George Leopard, overlooking their greasy table.
‘Ahem’. Chico tries to catch his attention. Frank licks the plate clean, before taking a long sip of pitch-black coffee. As the cup returns to the table, he finally sets eyes on his latest partner, and breaks the awkward silence.
‘You must be the chimp? Hot shot from West Bay. They tell me your good,’ he says, tapping the table with a cheap knife and fork. ‘I thought you’d be taller.’ By the sound of his voice you’d think he owned a pizza parlour, as opposed to being the city’s most experienced sleuth.

Excerpt Two:
Chief Vultures den. The stern looking bird is perched behind an extremely tidy desk; she takes great pride in her ability to avoid hefty piles of clutter. Her eyes are sunk behind a thick pair of spectacles and she’s packed in a tight black dress, which only adds to her intimidating presence. She’s stubs her fourth cigarette of the morning into a glass ash tray shaped like a nest.
‘Thought you quit smoking, chief?’ jests Frank, picking his seat. The frosty vulture lets the spectacles slide down her beak to reveal her beady eyes. She prods her head forward and studies the uncomfortable visitors.
‘I quit having insects for breakfast, that’s enough quitting for now. If I quit smoking, you’d probably all be dead by now,’ responds the vulture. ‘And you must be Detective Charlie Monkey. Welcome. And my sincerest apologies you’re stuck with this incompetent penguin, but there we go, that’s life, deal with it. Any questions?’
‘Actually, they call me Chico, ma’am.’ No response. Only silent eye contact.
‘No questions, ma’am,’ says Frank, butting in to save the day.
The monkey gulps, prickling with discomfort - but incessantly tapping his feet and stroking his beard seems to help with calming the nerves. ‘Err yeah, Charlie’s fine, no questions ma’am. Just keen to get started.’

Excerpt Three
Hospitality manager Omar Tiger spends much of his time prowling around the swish reception area, welcoming swish new guests, before charming them into parting with lots more cash (spa treatments and time with a masseuse don’t come cheap at the palace!!). You won’t find a more impeccably dressed tiger this side of the ocean and today he’s strutting around in a navy three-piece suit. A large percentage of guests actually gulp when they first meet the tiger, and hope for the best, as they make for rather imposing figures - yet Omar would consider it terribly improper to gobble you up for lunch (the same can’t be said for some of his acquaintances though). He’s currently engaged in conversation with a family of jolly deer but concludes the exchange after spotting Detective Penguin.
‘Pedro, can we have some sparkling lemon juice for these wonderful deer’s please.’ Omar clicks his fingers and a lemur swoops over to serve the family of deer a complimentary glass of fizz (a lemur is a mischievous form of grey furred monkey with a short snout, black and white tail, and freaky bright eyes).

Excerpt Four
The sun is gradually waking. Ruben and Yuriko make their way into the heart of the Barro Forest so they can inspect the beaver’s property. City folk refer to this area as ‘The Swamp’ due to the soggy ground and umpteen rivers snaking through it. You won’t find a more popular spot for creatures at home near water: otters, ducks, frogs, and even a family of hippos live nearby.
Yuriko’s head slams painfully against the roof of the car as it hits another bump on the hazardous winding road. The wolf lets out a yelp, struggling to steer the transport through rough terrain. Ruben is jolted into air before landing back on his seat with a thud; he’s not enjoying the ‘pleasant’ cruise through the countryside either.
‘I told you we should have walked. Hit one more bump, and I’m off the case,’ moans Ruben, staring out the window. Yuriko has learnt to ignore the constant negative thoughts emitted by her little partner; she focuses on driving and protecting her skull from further damage instead.
The journey is far from ideal, but the route is unquestionably beautiful. Ruben leans out the car and rests his arm on the door; he admires the endless queue of tall trees, the calm twinkling river that follows the road and the soothing freshness of air.
They pass a crocodile out with his son for a spot of fishing - most likely catching breakfast; the rat nods and winks as the car slowly trundles by. Both crocs smile and tip their floppy ‘fisherman hats’ to acknowledge the passing officers, before promptly casting rods. The bright lights and chaos of the city suddenly feels worlds away.
Three bumps later, Officer Ruben and Officer Yuriko arrive at a wooden shack; it has a rusty tin roof and overlooks the river. The car, now coated in mud, comes to a standstill and two dazed creatures gladly fall out. Ruben is instantly up to his waist in muck and not best pleased; just last week he’d had this uniform cleaned at Herbie Chipmunk’s 24-Hour Launderette

Who the heck is JT Bird ??

Can you, for those who don't know you already, tell something about yourself and how you became an author?
I’ve actually been a stand-up comedian for the last ten years, performing primarily in London. I also run a popular comedy night for up and coming comedians!! But after a decade of trying to make drunkards giggle, I started itching for a change of scene and a fresh challenge. I decided to write a novel!! And thanks to my supportive wife, who let me hide away each night, tapping away on my laptop – I somehow managed to finish it :D

Tell us something really interesting that's happened to you!
I actually had a stroke when I was just 22 years old, during my time at university. A cerebral venus thrombosis – which does sound more like an eighties pop group!! But I have no doubt that without that experience, and a horrible month on a hospital bed, I wouldn’t have become a comedian and I certainly would not have attempted a novel. So, as terrible as it was, that ordeal did motivate me to try and achieve my dreams. Every cloud, as they say.

What are some of your pet peeves?
Ha ha – where do I start!! People who wear sunglasses on a gloomy day. Anybody who vapes while I’m walking behind them – and sprays me with raspberry fumes. People who close their eyes when they talk. Agents and publishers who scoff at anthropomorphic animal fiction…

If you knew you'd die tomorrow, how would you spend your last day?
I’d have every intention of spending that last day furiously trying to cure a disease or stop every war – but in reality, I’d probably just stay in bed surrounded by chocolate muffins– and binge on Netflix.

J T Bird is an award-winning stand-up comedian from North London, where he lives with his wife and child. His humble abode sits neatly between the former homes of HG Wells and Robert Louis Stevenson...so there's no pressure to write something utterly successful and wonderful.

Bird was actually 'The Chosen One' that prophets foresaw would rescue the world from all the powers of darkness - however, he opted for a career as a clown and author instead...

Another little known fact - his father was sent from the future to protect him from an android assassin, and his mother's possessed by a demon - but hey, we all have family issues right?!

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