Conversations
With the Past
How
to Let Go of the Past, Redefine Your Present, and Create a Positive
Future
by Dr. Aura Imbarus
Genre:
Self-Help, Nonfiction
There
are no accidents in this life―and the more aware we become, the
more we're able discover the patterns that challenge, elevate, and
enlighten us. In Conversations
with the Past,
Dr. Aura Imbarus delves into many of the profound experiences she's
had over the years―from emotional breakdowns to spiritually
elevated states―in order to help people discover and understand
their own purpose in life. Through this exploration, we will all be
inspired to examine our own lives and take the necessary steps to
enhance our happiness and well-being.
Emotional,
physical, and spiritual experiences are all part of the intricate,
interwoven tapestry of existence. And though it may sometimes feel
like finding our life's purpose is difficult and elusive, Dr.
Imbarus demonstrates how it can, and will, be revealed to the curious
mind and willing heart.
Excerpt from the book
A Letter to My Past
Dear Past,
It has been awhile since you have been following me, shadowing me, and, sometimes even overlapping your wings with my present moment. For so many years, I have dragged you wherever I went; I have fed you precious moments of my life; I have quarreled with you to no avail, and I have been upset when you misjudged my actions. In all fairness, I tried to support you, to be on good terms with you, to cater to you and please you, but we have never really been on the same page. We both made face; we acted civil and courteous, but, come on, is that where we stand after all? Do we really love each other? Do we really care for each other?
I don’t think so.
I came here in the present moment, and I foolishly thought that we had solved our problems; we sorted out our misunderstandings, and we made peace with each other.
It just doesn’t look like that.
I wanted to close the door on you, for I realized that I was not able to pay attention to my actual partner: the present. But you insisted on leaving the door ajar, so I did! What a mistake that was. Any moment I was trying to leave you behind, you were sneaking behind my back, sometimes pinching me to distract me from “now,” other times ambushing me or confusing me. I didn’t know what to believe anymore; I didn’t know who I was, for you, my dear friend, were playing with my mind, and you were dragging me in your time.
My dear past, what did I do to you that you couldn’t let me go? How did I wrong you? And, if we are here, so angry with one another, how can we mend our bridges? Or can we even do that?
Let’s look for a minute at your agenda: You wanted me in Romania; you wanted me afraid, for I grew up in a communist regime; you wanted me to become a follower, for leaders were not welcomed; you wanted me poor, for scarcity was all I was exposed to; you wanted me sick, for medications or even human conditions with hot water and heat were monitored and controlled; you wanted me to starve, for food was rationed; you wanted me to blend in, for standing out was a crime; you wanted me in dim colors, for bright ones were nowhere to be found and not allowed; you wanted me in a uniform, for conformity our common ground; you wanted me limited in my beliefs so you could control my mind better; you wanted me to not believe in God, for the Communist Party was our father in heaven and on earth. You wanted me to be weak, so you could make me strong; you wanted me to spy and turn in my friends, for you said you were my only real adviser.
You think I still need you, but I do not.
My dear past, we had a run; good or bad, it is just a matter of interpretation!
But we are done. You have served me well; you have given me life and raised me, and for that I am thankful. But now, the time has come to say good-bye. The time has come to look each other in the eyes, really look and feel and, with no regrets, with no remorse, just say good-bye.
I truly thank you for all my mistakes; I thank you for all the cloudy days, for they made me appreciate the sunny ones when they came. I thank you for all my downs, for they made me stronger and more resilient. I thank you for all the crazy nights slept in fear, for now I know what it means to live in love. I thank you for all the pitch-black nights, for now I am thrilled with the bright days. I thank you for all my scarcity, for I would not know how to detect and be grateful for the present abundance.
I thank you for raising me with a kind soul, for that soul now gives you blessings and forgiveness while setting you free!
Good-bye, my dear past! I love you!
Chapter 1
My Awakening
“Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent. You are loath to let compromise or the threat of danger hold you back from striving toward the summit of fulfillment.”
—John O’Donohue, Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom
Looking back at my life, I realize I have as much fun now as I did in my childhood, if not more. My experiences are varied, my joie de vivre doubled, my trust solidified, my happiness increased, and my inner joy skyrocketed. I am an adult who plays and looks at life through the lens of a child. My job, as a high school teacher at one of the best, highly awarded high schools in Southern California, two South Bay colleges, freelance journalist, and founder of See Beyond Magazine, is my life and my calling. As a result of my knowledge and experiences, I can guide others toward fulfilling and attaining their goals. I teach while learning from my students at the same time. We are all students of life, and, as there are no coincidences, we are always at the right place at the right time, for the right reason, whether we realize and accept it or not. My awakening happened one night when I retraced my life in a couple of minutes, from the day I was born to that frozen moment in time, making me realize how fragile we are, but at the same time, how powerful we can be.
Driving my car off a cliff? Pills? What scenario I choose to end my life. How painful would that last moment be? Crazy thoughts bounced around in my head while my heart raced. I was sweating, lightheaded, and tormented. After the loss of my mother, who meant the world to me, life was passing me by without me even being present in it. Nothing had mattered anymore, and many times the idea of crossing over—for that was the place where many of my beloved ones were—had sprung up like a weed in a field of flowers. Life is important if there is a meaning and a purpose behind it. At that moment, it felt that I lost them all.
I trudged out of my pond of my tears, grabbed my car keys with no clear intention. I opened the garage door; inside its blackness sat Bobo, my orange convertible, purchased before my financial catastrophe, my only significant remaining possession. Bobo awaited, top down, ready to navigate the road of life. I turned the key, revved the engine, and pulled out of the garage.
From a dark sky, soft raindrops fell in a misty, melancholic veil washing away the trails of my own tears. I’ve never been fond of rain, but that night, it perfectly reflected my state of mind. No, I would not put the top up. I needed to breathe, to feel alive. The darkness of the coastline mirrored my mood. My neighborhood of Palos Verdes had never seemed so beautiful and mysterious. The breeze tousled my damp hair as I let the gentle rain chase me in the dark. Mile after mile, one curve followed the other until the coastal view disappeared.
Ahead of me lay an impenetrable abyss. I didn’t know my destination; I had no specific route. I followed the road, and the rain followed me, now falling rapidly, pelting my face, chilling me to the bone. I felt sick. I slowed the car and hit the button to bring the top up.
Throughout our lives, our past experiences will come back, not once but many times, in different forms. We might simply relive the memories of what has happened to us or we might recreate the same scenario, either positive or negative.
To which extend is our past going to influence our present?
Well, it will influence it to the degree we will let it do that.
Consciously or unconsciously, the past will be digested and replayed more than once by all of us. The idea is to relive only the positive parts and really get rid of the negative ones.
But, like an alcoholic who doesn’t realize that he has a problem in order to change, we can play the same scenario, over and over again, expecting different results. In order to change something, we need to realize that we have a problem. That issue will stir up the idea of change, and action will put everything in motion.
“Conversations with the Past” was born out of that desire to be more aware of our issues, the way we respond to them, and, last, but not least, get rid of that debilitating pattern that has only created havoc and disappointments.
Dr.
Aura Imbarus is an awarded educator, freelance journalist,
motivational speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed Amazon
best-seller and Pulitzer Prize entry, Out of the Transylvania
Night: A Story of Tyranny, Freedom, Love and Identity (Bettie
Youngs Books, 2010), a memoir detailing her life in Romania
during the Communist regime, and an upcoming self-help
book, Conversations with the Past: A Journey Home (Rainbow
Ridge Books, Sept 2020). She was featured on NBC, ABC, CNBC,
Good Morning San Diego, Forbes Romania, etc.
She
is also the president and founder of See
Beyond Media, a
company focusing on adolescents’ challenges in the 21st century,
having as its launching platform See
Beyond Magazine(www.seebeyondmag.com)
and of Raw
and Real with Leo and Aura podcast,
where on a light and humorous tone she is examining and dissecting
social issues. Dr. Imbarus is a licensed hypnotherapist, having
trained with Dr. Brian Weiss and Dr. Wanita Holmes.
She
sits on the Advisory Board of CA Ballet, is a member
of Royal Society of St. George, SACC – Swiss-American
Chamber of Commerce; she is also one of the founding members
of RACC – Romanian-American Chamber of Commerce, CA.
In
her free time she is taking ballroom dancing. She loves car racing,
skiing, yoga, sailing and traveling.
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