FIRST CHAPTER
Have you ever
loved someone so much that they become the air you breathe?
I’m not
talking about just being in love, I’m talking about real love, and then everything changes as the truth about who
that person really is gets revealed.
You still
love them, but now you are afraid because you don’t understand the things that
are happening around you. You don’t understand his world and you wish that you
had never discovered a thing about it. You wish you could just go back to all
the secrets and the “trust me” answers rather than to know the truth.
You don’t
understand why you never could see it: all the signs were there, hidden.
Well, I can
tell you this, the saying “the truth shall set you free” it isn’t entirely
correct in my situation. The truth was the opposite. It came with shackles and
worries about if we were really going to have a future, because it was
forbidden for him to love me, a human.
My name is
Danielle Laurant. I’m twenty-four years old and about to become a mother. It
doesn’t matter what decision I make since it isn’t mine to make. I’m not even
sure if I am going to be able to hold my babies in my arms.
You see, they
belong in his world, and it
doesn’t matter that they are half-breeds. His people will never let me raise
them, if that is their choice. But let me take you back to a year ago and maybe
you will understand why all of this is so difficult. Why I would die for Marick
Young.
A YEAR AGO
“Danny.” I heard Marick’s voice softly in my ear.
“Sweetheart, you need to wake up.”
I opened my
eyes and found his beautiful chiseled face, with his beach blond hair tinged
with golden highlights reaching his shoulders, and green eyes staring lovingly
at me. His beard tickled when he kissed my neck and I laughed.
He chuckled.
“I would give anything to wake up to that laugh every day,” he said and touched
my face softly.
He’d been
saying things like that lately. It was like something bad was about to happen
that would tear us apart. But what? He was Marick Young, a loner I met more
than six months ago. He had told me that he had been disowned by his father.
He had been
different when I first met him. Closed off, mean, and walls as big as the
Empire State building around him, but somehow my kindness and his curiosity
helped break those walls. Now the walls were protecting a kind and beautiful
man. A man who I loved so much.
It took me a
while to realize how much he loved me, but just as his curiosity about me in
the beginning broke down his walls, my curiosity to figure out who Marick Young
was made me fall in love with him. No, I crashed in love with him.
I touched his
face softly and just stared at him. “What’s going on? Why do you keep saying
things like that?” I asked.
His eyes
shifted to the wall as a sad smile lingered on his lips.
Tears welled
up in his eyes. A look I’d never seen before tugged down at the corners of his
lips. A slight frown formed between the furrow of his brows.
He was
afraid.
“Marick, talk to me. What is going on?” I asked and
pushed myself up in bed.
He looked at
me and wiped his face hard. “Danny, I have to make a decision and I’m scared,”
he said.
“What decision?”
“One about you,” he said simply.
My throat
closed up. I couldn’t breathe.
“What about me?”
“Us, actually,” he said, got up and paced slowly to
my window.
“Marick, what are you talking about?”
“My father wants me to come back, Danny.”
“Love, that is perfect, why are you so …”
“Because I can’t take you with me. It’s not perfect,
it’s the opposite of perfect.”
I didn’t
understand one bit. I shook my head.
“I wasn’t supposed to fall in love.” He touched his
face. “The past few months I’ve tried to figure out what to do, but nothing I
can think of is fair to you. I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t understand. Why can’t you take me with you
and why weren’t you supposed to fall in love?”
“He wants me to assume my position in the family.
Kinda like taking over a family business. But I can’t.”
“So he phoned you?”
He shook his
head. “Well actually I knew it from the beginning and I knew that this time
would come. That’s why I tried so hard not to get sucked into your world.”
“You knew it from the beginning?”
“Danielle, I tried; it was hard. I know it was stupid
of me, okay. But I never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I love
you, very much. There’s no easy way out of this.”
“Out of this?” I felt like crying. “So, you have
already made up your mind? Fine, just leave, leave me. That’s it.”
“Danny, you think this is easy for me. It’s not. I
will always love you, always want you, always ache for you.”
“Then fight his ridiculous demand, Marick. Don’t
leave.”
“He can’t be fought. If there was a single ounce of
hope, sweetheart, I would fight it, but there is none.”
“So what? This is it?”
He looked at
the ground.
“Speak to me! Is this it, Marick?” Tears rolled down
my cheeks.
“There is another way, but I can’t ask you to do
that.”
“What? Just tell me.”
“We can try hiding from my father.”
“Hiding?”
“Danielle, it’s me leaving, or giving up everything
we have to be together.”
I couldn’t
imagine my life without Marick. I loved him too much. I had worked so hard to
peel away his layers, but I knew—it was evident now—that I still didn’t know
who he really was.
“I know it’s not fair to you, but it’s the only way I
can think of.”
“Run away? Marick, everything we have is in New
York.”
“Danielle, in the next few days my father is going to
come and get me, that much I know. We can stay here and enjoy our last few days
together. Then you will see me get dragged back while you are left behind. Or
we can leave now and be together. He will have to find me, which will take
time. More than he expects, because he can’t find me the way he used to.”
I guessed he
was talking about his credit cards.
“He can’t trace me as easily as he used to.”
“Give everything up?” I asked as if that was the
hardest thing for me to do. “Is that the only way?”
“I know it’s a lot to ask, but those are the only two
options. I should’ve told you sooner, but the thought of losing you, to imagine
not having you in my life…”
I grabbed his
face and just kissed his lips. His kisses were still making me slightly dizzy;
they were addictive. Everything about this man was addictive. Our kisses came
to a halt. “I’ll go pack.”
He just
looked at me. “Are you serious?”
“Marick, I trust you. I don’t understand this, but I
trust you. And I don’t want to lose you. If giving everything up is the only
way to be with you, then so be it.”
He kissed me
hard again and then he helped me pack my bags.
I left a note
for Diane, my roommate. I told her that I was leaving with Marick, and wouldn’t
be back. I would call her when I could and try to explain everything then.
When we got
downstairs, I discovered Marick had sold his bike. He’d saved so hard for it, worked
at the docks and did some construction on the side, but now he’d sold it and
got a truck.
I jumped into
the passenger’s seat and we took off. For the first half-hour we were silent,
but then I needed some answers. I was giving up everything for him, so I
deserved some answers.
“Why is our love complicated?”
He sighed. “I
don’t know how to explain it, Danielle.”
“Try.”
“I can’t. Just take my word for it. Where I am from,
if I go back, I have to give you up.”
“So what, he disowns you? Marick, that doesn’t make
any sense.”
“I know it doesn’t. You don’t know my father. He is
set in his ways, and he won’t even listen to me. His order was simple: learn,
that’s it. I should’ve stayed away from you. Then none of this would’ve
happened. You would still be happy….”
“Don’t say that. My life would’ve been incomplete if
I didn’t meet you.”
“Don’t.” He spoke softly.
I touched his
face. “I know you will explain everything to me when you can. Just don’t say
things like how I would have been happier if I had never met you. You’ve
changed my entire life. I love you, Marick. Life without you would have been
dull and boring.”
He grabbed my
hand and kissed it.
“I wish I could offer you everything, anything other
than just a crappy life, hiding from my father.”
“It won’t be a crappy life. I know it.”
He let go of
my hand and I rested my head against the window.
A part of me
didn’t want to leave. I wanted him to fight, even if he thought it was
hopeless. When his father saw how much we loved each other, surely he would change
his mind. But Marick didn’t believe our love would be enough. I had to make him
see that it was.
If love
wasn’t worth fighting for then nothing was.
I wanted him
to fight for me the way I would fight for him. But I knew it was going to take
time for him to change his mind. Marick was not the type of man to act on a
whim.
He needed
time before making decisions.
What kind of
family business did his father run that was so hard for him to take over, and
what kind of business wouldn’t allow him to love me?
None of it
was making any sense.
My mind went
back to when we first met.
He was a
dishwasher at the hotel I worked at. I had gotten a transfer from the hotel in
Paris, which was close to where I had lived and had grown up, to the one here
in New York. I wanted to see the world. Marick was quiet, didn’t want anything
to do with anyone, and I finally understood now. He was never supposed to fall
in love; he’d just confessed it this morning. It was still a big shock to me.
He was
guarded. Couldn’t figure out the ropes in New York so I helped him out. As I
did, he started to let down some of those walls a little. Then he started
following me in secret and protecting me. First there was the bus that almost
ran me over, then a creep at a food cart late one night. I knew someone was
watching over me after that, but I didn’t know it was Marick. Then I finally
found out one night. He told me, he admitted, he felt a connection that he
shouldn’t feel toward me. He said he just wanted to keep me safe and meant no harm.
It was so
weird then, and made no sense, but everything was finally falling into place
now.
He’d tried to
keep his distance because he didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t want it to
lead to the situation we were in.
But once the
door was open, it was inevitable that we’d fall for each other, and we’d been
inseparable ever since.
I always
thought that he was broken, that he came from a broken family that wasn’t
filled with love, that wasn’t filled with care. That he just needed someone to
show him the kind of love he needed, the kind of love all humans deserve. I’d
never thought in a million years that he was fighting against it all.
CHAPTER ONE
Danielle
It felt as if
I was dying. The pain was unbearable and no amount of magic in this world could
ease the pains of labor.
It felt as if
it was never going to stop and feel as if my entire body was pulled in
different directions.
They had to
send Marick out as he fainted. He fucking fainted. What a wuss.
No, I was
alone on this bed with the only woman in this family that knew what it was I
was experiencing right at this moment.
“C’mon, Danielle, you can do this.” Mila, Marick’s
sister said as his mother just dabbed me with a cold cloth.
“One strong push, it’s all you need to do.” Mila said
again and I pushed with all of my might.
I felt a
slight bit of relief when the physician took out one of the babies. I’ve never
been this tired before, but this wasn’t over yet. There was another one and it
too still needed to be born.
But right at
this moment, I couldn’t breathe, as my baby wasn’t crying.
It finally
bawled its little lungs out and for some reason I started to cry too.
“Congratulations, it’s another Prince, your
highness,” the Doctor spoke to the queen.
“Oh, Danny, that is wonderful.” Marick’s mother had
tears in her eyes as the doctor gave the baby to a nurse that came with him to
the palace.
“What do you say, Danielle, ready for the next one.”
I wasn’t, but
my stupid head bobbed. I had no choice.
“Let’s do this,” Marick’s mother and sister both held
my hands and the contraction pain started all over again.
A scream left
my mouth as I was determined to get the baby out of me, but it was just as
painful and just as hard as the first time.
Why twins of
all things. Why me?
It actually
happened faster this time around and by the third strong push, my second baby
was born.
“Another prince,” the physician said when he too
started to cry. Two boys.
Marick was
going to be out of his element.
“Rest,” Magdel, Marick’s mom said and she didn’t have
to ask me twice.
I was beyond
tired.
I was finally
a mother, a mother of two baby boys.
When I woke
up the room was dark. Only a small light was lighting half of the other side of
the room.
I heard soft
murmurings and looked to the corner of the room where I found Marick sitting in
the rocking chair with one of his son’s in his arms, speaking gently to him.
I smiled.
I didn’t feel
as sticky as I thought I would be and assumed that there was some sort of magic
involved.
I was dressed
in a nightgown too.
He lifted his
head and saw I was awake. Gasped playfully and got up from the rocking chair in
one fluent movement and came over to me, lying on the bed.
“Say hello to your mother, Emile.” Marick said and he
put little Emile in my arms.
He was
beautiful. Had dark blonde hair like his father with the greenest eyes I’ve
ever seen. There was a bit of me in him too.
I laughed at
the joy that was bubbling in me and tears flooded my sight.
Marick
crawled in next to me as I cuddled Emile.
“He is so beautiful.”
“They both are,” Marick spoke softly. “You did a
great job, love. Sorry that I was such a wuss.”
I laughed but
that was it.
I felt his
lips on the side of my temple as I just stared at the perfect little creation
that was a mixture of both of me and Marick.
“Where is Josua,” I asked.
“He is sleeping. A real Sleeping Beauty that one,” he
spoke softly as Emile sucked on the tip of my finger.
Marick
clicked his fingers, and I only saw the pacifier floating in the air when it
appeared close to Emile’s mouth.
I chuckled.
“Magic sure has its perks.” I said and took it hovering in the air and placed it
into Emile’s mouth.
This was it,
my family and a part of me wish that I could’ve shared it with my mother. But
she wouldn’t believe any of this. Not by a mile. As witches just simply didn’t
exist. Or not the kind that had become my family, my life.
Days had
passed and I was already up and going. The birthing pains long forgotten.
Emile and
Josua were identical. It was hard to see the difference, but the way I’d been
staring at them when they breastfeed, I could tell the difference between my
boys. A mother always knows.
The royal
family wasn’t starting to plan the christening. It was a bit different than
normal human christianings and a big affair. The royal wisp was going to make
her choice now that they were born.
She hadn’t
even made her acquaintance yet and way at the back of my mind, Ariel’s words
were bothering me, a lot.
She said that
it wasn’t the babies at all that Fibbs were pulled to but me.
I was no
magical being, but still, her wisp found me addictive, like I was catnip and
she said that was why Minaut was acting so strange. That she was a snob as no
wisp ever left a witch for a human. It was usually the opposite, they left
another witch for a more powerful one.
It was the
babies, it had to be one of them.
The day of
the Christening finally came.
Everyone came
from all over. I felt so out of it and yet, Marick tried his best to include me
into his world.
He introduced
as many of the witches as he could that was present, even if they just gave me
the raised eyebrow or a sniff of the nose.
I felt like
the plague again.
Marick got
called into a meeting while we all roamed around in the voyeur. I stook one
side just looking at everyone. I can’t help but to think about the fact that he
said all the witches are vain.
It was
something one could see a mile away. They all want to be more beautiful than
the next. Not just in clothes but in appearance too.
I decided to
take a stroll and made my way to the entrance.
“They are half breeds. I feel sorry for Magdel and
Eli. How could Marick even do that.”
I froze as
the woman spoke to a group of her lady friends inches from me.
Her back was
turned to me.
“Katia is such a powerful choice. Everyone was so
looking forward to meeting those offsprings.”
“Half breeds or not. They are your future princes.
I’ve learned that the weakest pup usually becomes the strongest wolf.” Another
lady said and I tried to see who it was. “Excuse me,” she whispered and I only
saw her back. She was beautiful, had dark hair cascading down her back.
“Don’t listen to Ru, she sees the great war, doesn’t
know a thing about witches affairs.”
I made my way
out of there.
Half breeds.
Half breeds!
They were
innocent babies, not monster spawns.
I finally
burst out the door and stood at the balcony that looked over the garden.
I tried to
calm down. Just listening to that woman’s words. What were they even doing here
if that is how they feel about all of this.
They
shouldn’t be here.
“You okay?” A deep male’s voice said behind me,
starling me.
“Sorry,” he apologized. “Didn’t mean to startle you.
What does a rare beauty do in a place like this.”
I just raised
my eyebrow at him.
He was
attractive. Was Marick’s size but extremely broad in the shoulders and he had
long hair, a beard, and was protruding importance.
“Name is Heicko.” He reached out his hand for mine
and I was ready to shake it, but he grabbed it gently and kissed me on top of
my hand.
His lips was
warm and soft and my skin tingled softly.
He was
supernatural, alright.
“You can speak, right.” He looked at me with those
dark eyes of his.
I chuckled
nervously which made him chuckle seductively.
“Sorry, yes, I do speak.”
“So, what brings you to the witch’s affair.”
I left out
another nervous laugh and took my hand out of his grip.
“I make you nervous.”
“Wow, you are extremely direct.” I smiled at him.
“I can tell by the way you shy away from me, but yet
there is a smile on your face and your heart beat is rapidly beating faster
than it should be.”
“Oh, and you can hear all of that by standing there.”
He laughed
showing pointy k-nines and for a short moment, I felt a tinge of fear. Vampires
can hear far. What if this wasn’t just a witch affair. But Vampires don’t have
an alliance with anyone and I saw pictures. This brute of a guy, doesn’t have
any of the vampire markings.
“What are you doing at this witch’s affair.”
“My duty to give my blessings to the half breeds.”
“Seriously,” I got upset. “WHy is everyone calling
them half breeds. They are babies.”
I glared at
the guy and I stomped away.
“Hey, what did I say.”
He didn’t
follow and I fumed all the way down to the garden.
I found
myself near a maze, and seriously didn’t want to be at that gathering.
My kids are
not half breeds. They are babies and they are beautiful.
Stupid idiot.
“The maze look so beautiful this time of year.” I
heard a female voice on the other side of the mage, close by.
“Remember how we used to get lost in this garden.”
She giggled as she spoke to no one in particular.
I kept
listening to her childhood memories of this place. It didn’t sound like Mila,
and I doubt that I ever met her. But why was she speaking to herself.
Our path’s
met when the edge came into a passageway and I had to grab my heart again as
the lady and a guy sitting in a wheelchair almost bump into me.
“Sorry,” she said. “We didn’t mean to startle you.”
She smiled. The guy in the wheelchair was making a funny noise, like he was
laughing. He was disabled, badly.
“Well, I wasn’t, but I can’t say the same for Eric.”
I smiled.
“It’s okay. You are Sebastian’s family.” I heard about Eric. The guy that was
cursed. A curse could do that to you?
“His brother. Not mine. Thank heavens for that.”
I laughed
again.
“NAME…” she reached out her hand.
“Danielle. The human.”
She smiled.
“Don’t pay attention to them. Sebastian has told us a lot about you. How you
changed his best friend from being a royal brat and idiot, to someone that can
actually have become one of the greatest kings the witches had.”
“My fault too. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize Danielle. I think it’s romantic. He
fell in love with someone that was so against his law. Fight for it. I’m a
sucker for forbidden Romances.”
I chuckled as
she walked further with Eric, pushing him down the direction I came.
“I didn’t want him to give this up.”
“A crown prince giving up his kingdom, sure is a
prince worthy of a crown.”
I laughed the
way she said it. It made sense, but he was never going to get it.
“They are calling my babies half breeds. This world
is not going to be easy on them, are they.”
“You’re kidding me. They are royalty. You show me
which person is going to dare say something remotely cruel into their face,
I’ll show you a dead man.”
I liked her.
She was funny and spoke seriously the truth.
“And ignore the witches calling your son’s half
breeds. They are vain and filled with jealousy that a mere human snatched their
crown prince’s affection. From what I heard, Minaut, is going to mark them
today and choose which of the lucky half breeds are going to be her master.”
I get what
she tried to do. My babies might not be full witches, but they sure were
powerful already.
“Here you are love,” I heard Marick’s voice up ahead
and saw him coming running.
“NAME OF ….” He greeted her and kissed her on both
cheeks.
“Eric,” he greeted the man in the wheelchair and then
looked at me. “What are you doing out here.”
“I needed fresh air. These people…”
“Are our guests,” Marick smiled and I grunted.
He chuckled.
“Come, I need to introduce you to someone. Thanks Francine.” He spoke to her
and I waved at her goodbye over my shoulder.
“She is really nice.”
“Yes, compassion is her gift.”
“Wait, compassion can be one of your gifts.”
“Yes, she was Eric’s best friend and she didn’t leave
him after he got cursed but fell in love with his older brother, Darius. They
got married a few years back.”
“Poor Eric.”
“Don’t say that, Love. Please.”
We walked up
the stairs to the balcony again and entered the gathering.
He took me
straight to a group of overgrown men that was big and I saw the back of the guy
that spoke to me outside on the balcony, the guy that called my children half
breeds.
“Heicko, I would like you to meet my wife, Danielle.”
Marick said and he turned around. Smiled when he saw me, but I didn’t smile
when I saw him. I just glared at him.
“Love, this is…”
“I know who he is. We had the pleasure earlier
today.”
“Oh, you try to sweep the love of my life off her
feet now, Heico.”
“Marick, I didn’t know she was the love of your life.
I didn’t even know she was yours, or that her name is Danielle. Very French.”
His friends
laughed, and Marick just smiled.
“Heico is the alpha of the wolves, Danielle.”
“Okay, that makes a lot of sense.” I chirped and they
all laughed again.
“So this is the human that has the witches realm up
in flames. She looks harmless to me, Marick.”
He chuckled
again.
He spoke to
Heico in a different language and everyone gasped. The alpha surely looked at
him impressed but then he turned his gaze from Maric back to me and I felt
uncomfortable again by the way he stared at me as if I was a prize to be won.
Alpha or no
Alpha, he gave me the creeps.
Heico finally
laughed. “I’m impressed, your Highness.” He just winked at me, making me more
pissed off and then he turned back to his pack as Marick leaded me away.
“What did you say to him.”
“I told him…”
“The Christening of Emile and Josua Young is ready.”
The pope or whatever they called him appeared from the doors of the room where
the christening was going to take place. As one everyone turned to the entrance
and slowly made their way inside.
CHAPTER ONE
“So how do you feel with your mother raising your
daughter, Danielle?” Gaston, my new psychiatrist, number thirteen to be exact,
asked me the same question all my psychiatrists has asked. I lounged on the
opposite chair him in his modern-day office, located in Paris.
“You know how I feel.” I answered the same as I
always do.
“No, I don’t really.”
I sighed.
Fine, whatever. I didn’t care anymore. I looked at him. “What would you do if
you were raped, over and over, by a monster and ended up having his child?
Would you raise that child?” I asked.
“Why didn’t you abort?”
I looked at
him and shrugged.
Silence
lingered a few seconds between us.
“You don’t remember a thing, Danielle. All the
victims who were with you in that basement remembered something, they faced
them together with their psychiatrists, and they moved on. You simply refuse to
remember. No one can help you if you do not want to open up.”
“I don’t remember! It’s got nothing to do with me not
opening up.”
“It’s been almost ten years, Danielle. Not a flicker
of a memory, not one second of your time with Brolin and his wife haunts you?”
Tears welled
up in my eyes. The memories were haunting me, but they were not in the form of
memories. They were in the form of what my mind conjured up from what the other
victims say in their books and in the media of what Brolin did to them. Not one
of us knew about the other. We were all secluded in our own piece of hell. Or so
that’s what the others told me in group sessions. I was the only one who
remembered just darkness. A pit of black ink that made me feel like I was
drowning each day.
My mind
refused to let me remember what that monster did to me. “You really think I
don’t want to remember.” I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m trying. I read what
happened to Stacy because she gave up, I read how she slit her wrists and bled
out. I didn’t even know she was with me in that house, because there was
nothing but the darkness in there.” I slammed the temple of my head as tears
spilled over my cheeks. I hoped he was finally getting that this wasn’t me not
wanting to remember. This was me that cannot remember.
Gaston sighed
and rested his chin in the palm of his hand, leaning on the railing of his
chair with his elbow. I hated it when my doctors went quiet—when they all
decided that I was a lost cause.
“How is Eva doing?”
“Good.” I sighed. “She’s a beautiful girl. Her
birthday is coming up—she’ll be nine. My mom is getting ready to celebrate it.”
“Are you going?”
“I might.”
“She still thinks you’re her sister.”
I nodded. But
I didn’t know that anymore. Lately, she been giving me a lot of hugs, hugs I
didn’t know how to handle. It was as if she knew. She knew my secret. My mother
didn’t tell me that she knew—it was something I felt.
“How do you feel about that?”
“How would you feel about that. Knowing what her
father was capable off. I’m dreading to think that she would become like him
too.”
“Danielle, humans make monsters. They are not born
monsters.”
“Unless she is a psychopath just like her father,
Gaston.” He was the only shrink that refused to let me call him doctor.
“Then have her tested, see if she carries the gene.”
“You know my mother wouldn’t allow it. She said she
will get her tested when signs show.”
“How is that thing with your mother?”
“She’s very secretive. She will only conduct seances
when Eva is at school or late at night when Eva is in bed. I don’t like it, but
after she discovered those books, she now truly believes that her
great-great-great-grandmother was a witch and that her gift only came later in
life. There is no way to change her mind about that.” Not long after my own
grandmother died, Mom found boxes and boxes of books in the basements filled
with spells and pictures of her ancestors. Why grandma Evangeline didn’t burn
them, I would never know. She was a Christian who walked around with the Bible
under her arm, condemning everything in front of her that was bad.
That picture
of my great-great-great-great-grandfather and grandmother my mother found in
one of the journals still send a shiver up my spine every time I see the old
sepia photograph.
My ancestors’
eyes were cold, sad. For all I knew, they could’ve been witches. But I didn’t
believe in that.
My mother, on
the other hand, has been obsessed the past few years with finding more about
her ancestors now that she had pictures and journals to work through.
“Our time is up, Danielle. How do you sleep?” He took
out a subscription pad.
“Not good, but it’s not what you think. I’m trying to
remember something, one simple thing. But I can’t. I couldn’t on the first day,
and I’m just as blocked today as I was then.”
“Okay, let’s leave the homework then for the next
month or so. I still think hypnosis is the best…”
I shook my
head. I didn’t like that idea at all.
“Danielle, please, I can help you.”
“I don’t want hypnosis. Maybe this is my mind
protecting me from what truly happened Gaston. What if the shit that I went
through is far worse than you think and I end up in an asylum? Some things a
better left alone. Please, no hypnosis.”
“Okay,” he gave that low deep sigh, a frustrated
sigh. My psychiatrics usually gave it when they reached another dead end.
But I
couldn’t. I couldn’t get myself to go through with it. I think it was more of a
trust issue than anything else.
“Your anxiety?”
“Comes and goes. It’s been better lately.”
He scribbled
on the prescription pad and handed me the paper after he tore it off from his
notebook.
He gave me a
soft, compassionate smile. Frustration danced in his eyes, making him look
tired.
“I’m sorry, Gaston.”
“Don’t apologize, Danny, we’ll find a breakthrough
when the right time comes.”
I took the
prescription and left.
I was a
regular. They sometimes had to see me twice a week as I also have paranoia
issues.
I greeted the
receptionist, Ida, with her round face and her short, newly colored auburn
hair.
In the past
year and a half that I’ve seen Gaston, she had more hair changes than all my
shoes I’ve ever owned.
“See you next week, Danielle.”
“See you, Ida.” I grinned at her and headed out the
door for my Clio parked in their parking lot.
I climbed in
and sat with my head against the back of the seat.
Sometimes I
feel that my past wasn’t my past. It was the reason why I couldn’t abort Eva
when we discovered I was pregnant. The doctor told me I gave birth to another
child before Eva, and I couldn’t remember a thing about the pregnancy or the
child.
I got no
nightmares of my time with Brolin, no memories or seconds of anything
devastating that happened during the time I was missing. I had been in that
basement so long, and real evil things were done to me, that—this had to be
true—my mind refused to remember it. A coping mechanism.
And with
Gaston wanting to dig, it scared me to death. It was better left alone than
dealing with more shit.
I switched on
the car and took it for its next service before my shift at the cafe where I’ve
been working as a waitress the past eight years. I need to check in with my
mother soon. Make sure that Eva had everything she needed.
My heart
sometimes felt for her. Why didn’t I abort her? Why give her a life where she
could possibly become a monster just like her father?
But I
couldn’t at the time. I couldn’t explain it. It felt wrong, even with all the
wrong that was piled on me. I just couldn’t. Maybe it was because of my
grandmother and her constantly condemnation that played in my head when I was
in that room the day I wanted to go through with it.
But something
led me out of there. It saved her life, and I truly had no idea how I felt
about it.
A part of me
was grateful, but she was also a constant reminder of what had happened to me.
It was the only reason I could think of as to why I was stuck—why I couldn’t
move forward in life.
I dropped off
my Clio, signed a few papers, and decided to take the bus instead. It was
cheaper than the Uber anyway.
I took a walk
down the Seine toward the bus stop and took in Paris’s beauty.
I remembered
leaving for the US, and the first few months in, but I had no idea what happened
after that. My mother put a lot of that time together for me. She said I met
someone but never really spoke about him. I was so secretive, and I wondered if
that wasn’t the beginning of my downfall.
Why didn’t I
tell my mother about him? Did he ask me not to, or maybe he wasn’t that
important to begin with?
I couldn’t
even remember him, and it couldn’t have been so wonderful because when I came
back, it was when it happened, or that is what was discovered during all the
investigations.
Brolin had me
for five years. My mother once told me that during that time, she felt as if
she was going insane not knowing where I was.
I just had my
twenty-second birthday, now going on thirty-seven. I felt so old, and sometimes
it felt as if I couldn’t breathe.
“Danny.” I heard my name and looked up.
A man with a
leather jacket, scruffy jeans, and a faded blue T-shirt looked at me as if he
saw a ghost. His dark, roughed up hair was oily, and he sent a few shivers up
my spine.
“I thought you were dead.”
I shook my
head, squinted. “I’m sorry, I don’t know you,” I said and walked away.
I had no idea
who that man was.
“It’s me, Sebastian,” he pulled me back by the arm.
“How is this possible?”
I pulled out
my arm hard. “You have the wrong person. I don’t know you.”
“No, you are Danielle.”
“I said leave me alone,” I yelled again and ran
toward the bus stop. By the time I reached the bus stop, my heart was beating
fast, and I was so glad to find that the man, Sebastian or whatever he said his
name was, didn’t follow. I turned around and he was simply gone.
My paranoia
jumped in again. I opened my bag and found the plastic container that carried
my pills. I swallowed two, followed by bottled water.
The bus
finally arrived, and I climbed on.
I chose a
seat way in the back and rested my head on the window.
The bus
headed in the direction of the cafe where I had to take the afternoon and
evening shift.
The bus drove
past the guy in his leather jacket. At that second, he looked straight at me.
Our eyes
locked for a few seconds, and then I looked down at my lap.
How on earth
does he know my name, and why did he say that he thought I died?
My shift
ended around eight. I made a few euros for the day. Bianca took me home. I told
her about my encounter with the dark hair stranger that still send shivers up
my spine. She refused to let me take the bus. She kept babbling about her
boyfriend, Theo, and whether she should dump his ass or not as we reached my
small apartment.
I asked her
if she wanted to come up for coffee, but Bianca said she needs to get going.
Theo was waiting for her, which I was thankful for as I wasn’t really in the
mood for company.
Safe in my
apartment, the evening ritual started.
I fed Noir,
my black cat. I emptied a can of tuna and poured a bit of cat cream, one of each
into two separate bowls, and put it on the counter.
Noir dug in.
The cat wasn’t a normal cat—he hardly meowed. But he was a distraction, a
companion, and probably the only thing in this world I trusted.
I poured in a
glass of red wine for myself and tried not to force my mind to think about
anything that happened ten years ago. It was a change in my routine, and I
wasn’t so great in that department either.
I stood on
the small balcony and struggle to clear my mind. However, I did think of
something, the incident with the stranger.
He clearly
knew me, but how? Was he part of Brolin’s family? Part of that time in my life?
Still he
didn’t ring a bell, not one bit of comfort that I remembered something.
I walked back
to the kitchen and reached for my anxiety pills again as I could feel the
paranoia start to build up.
Phoning my
mom was out of the question. She was going to beg to go to the police and
report it. But what would I tell them? The officer that worked on my case
probably retired a long time ago.
I popped two
pills and downed it with a few gulps of wine as my heart started to beat
slower, toward its own pace.
After I made
sure that the doors were locked, I picked up Noir in one hand and went to the
bathroom with my glass of wine in the other hand.
I took a long
bath and drifted away.
Darkness
played behind my closed eyelids. A deep empty black pit. The kind that wants to
drown me. I felt the evil in that pit of darkness and woke up with a start.
Water splash around the edges of the bath.
The quietness
of the apartment filled my ears before the nighttime buzz that was taking place
outside.
A deep sigh
left my lips as I closed my eyes and tried to calm my beating heart again.
I told Gaston
about the darkness, and he tried to work with that. He tried to lure me deeper
into it, but I couldn’t. A full-on panic attack always followed.
I couldn’t
face what happened, just as I couldn’t face that dark pit.
But I did
think about the stranger again, Sebastian as he introduced himself.
What did he
mean he thought I was dead?
My writing Procedure.
I am a fast writer, and when I mean fast, I can quickly spit
out a 500-page novel in two weeks.
A lot of people asked me how I write so fast. And many speculated
that if you write a story that quickly, It cannot be good.
To answer your questions efficiently, every author has their
own pace regarding creativity and speed when it comes to writing. You just need
to find yours.
When I wrote Hinder, which is part of the Bender series in the
Guardian of Monsters, it literally took me two weeks to spit out 442 pages.
But when I say I wrote it in two weeks didn't mean it took me
two weeks to plot, outline, and create the characters. It took me two weeks to
start typing the first word until the last page, and I literally sat for two
weeks on my butt and typed for eight hours or more every day.
It took me almost a year to finally get the concept ready for
Hinder, working out all the quirks and developing the characters, and that is
where I spend my time. I'm not a pantser, meaning that I sit behind a computer
and start typing away as if there is no tomorrow and let my characters lead me
on a journey. No, my characters are and always will be a figment of my imagination.
They do as I tell them to, and I take them on a journey.
So if you hear authors speaking about how they can write fast,
write a book quickly in a month, it doesn't mean that they conducted the story
fast. Like I said, Hinder took me about a year and a half to work everything
out to the point before I started to write it. I spend a lot of time developing
a story, but the story's writing part can easily take two weeks.
And that is how I write. I'm through and through a plotter.
Leave in the comments about how you write a story.
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